Things I’ve Noticed Part 3: The Half Way Point—That Stalking Little Bitch

As the relentless little bitch known as “being halfway done” gets closer and closer, threatening to beat me down with a blunt instrument (like emotion?) I have been forced to think about what I have learned and more importantly, what I have noticed.

If you smile and speak with an accent you can get almost anything you want.

If you want to perfect the look of death, spend a few months in Paris. You cannot go outside of your apartment without using the death glare at least once.

Bangs are the hot new now. Get thick blunt bangs immediately.

My mother knows me very well, she seems have to predicted almost everything that has come to pass in my brief time here. This means my mom is clairvoyant or I am extremely predictable.

French classrooms, or at least classrooms at Grandes Ecoles are deliberately uncomfortable. They force you in a plain room for two hours, with very few windows, insufferable heat, no Internet and hard wooden chairs that make your ass fall asleep after about ten minutes.

Do not say anything bad about Descartes, ever. If you do, prepare to be hated, stoned to death, or met with shock.

 I have discovered the secret to a Parisian accent:

-           One must use the word “mec” as often as possible. Sometimes just saying it for no reason.

-           One must end practically every sentence with “quoi” and use it in the most accusatory manner as possible.

-            One must mumble the vast majority of their words (except, of course, “mec” and “quoi”).

-           “Je m’en fou” is perhaps the most common phrase among the Parisian youth. When you have nothing to say, just say, “je m’en fou” and you will fit in just fine.

-           Bah must be said in an exasperated manner, even if there is nothing that is exasperating or annoying about the situation you are in.

 

I do not know if I can say enough how much I love Paris, but I am getting homesick. Studying at Science Po has made me even more fiercely American—no matter how much my International Relations professor likes saying what an awful country we are. I miss being funny and sarcastic and being thought of as intelligent when I speak, not as cute. I have worked very hard to create a life for myself in Paris, and as the finish of my trip starts becoming a little bit more of a reality I have to wonder to myself if that was a good idea. Though I know I will be leaving with a phenomenal experience under my belt, I also will be wrecked. My goal coming here was to make the sort of relationships that my parents made when they were in school, the kind of friends that will last me a lifetime and that I will always be able to come back to. I think I am in the process of doing this, but my knee jerk instinct to protect myself from pain is telling me that this is a bad idea. Is it better to have a whimsical trip and live with surface and fleeting relationships—but not feel any pain when I leave or to create deeper, meaningful relationships and be a giant blubbering wreck when I leave? Then again, I can take the timeless wisdom of the classic film Risky Business and just say, “what the fuck.”

 

It's an Ed Banger Life

During my extended break I would sit in my pajamas listening to records and concocting the dream life that I would have in Paris. For those of you who were never shown—I decided the trailer for the Justice tour documentary A Cross the Universe was actually about my life in Paris. 

Friday night I went with some others to see Mr. Flash and Vicarious Bliss (two Ed Rec DJs) play at La Fleche D’Or. They played everything I want DJs at home to play, Joy Division “Love Will Tear Us Apart” into Justice “Phantom II (Soulwax Re-Edit)” and SebatstiAn, The Strokes. I danced like the mad woman that I am.

At one point in time I noticed that people back behind the gate separating me from the DJ booth were speaking English and started talking with them. They asked where I was from to which I responded “Colorado” and, wouldn’t you know it, they were too. Turns out that in a tiny venue in Paris I happened to find the four CU students in the room. First, let me say that it is surprisingly nice to run into people who are from your home when you are away; you have the immediate bond of home.  Second, there is no denying it now, the people that are having the most fun, partying the hardest, chances are they are a CU student. A turn out one of them is working for Ed Rec (what?!) and told me to grab one other person and come behind the stage. He pointed to a room across the stage and told us to go over there. Walking over there was a familiar looking guy with short curly hair, I smiled at him and he smiled back, yeah I got smiled at by Gaspard Auge. Walking into the backstage room I was confronted by the sight of So-Me and SebastiAn. I always thought about what I would do in this situation, which mainly involved me jumping Gaspard or Sebastian’s bones. Let me tell you how hard that is to do when you are face to face with them, as exemplified by the fact that I could only smile at Gaspard. The fantasies go out the window when you are actually in the position (even a little bit) to realize them… Alas, maybe next time I will be drunk enough and not with my boy. Yes, I do expect there to be a next time. 

I hope to find photos online soon...

The Occupation

When I tell people that I currently am enrolled at Sciences Po Paris they respond by saying something along the lines of, "Wow, you must be smart/an asshole." Seriously, that is the almost uniform response-- when people find out I am cool (which, of course, I am) I tend to hear, "wow, I can't believe you go to Sciences Po." Does this bother me? No, I fucking love it. Being infamous is fantastic. Turns out that the hatred of Sciences Po doesn't only stop at, "everyone who goes to this school is an asshole," but, "we should totally shut this piece of shit down." That's right, my school got "occupied" by the invading forces of about 200 students from other Paris Universities who apparently think we are a symbol of the economic segregation (or something like that) in society. 

So far the greve peoples has not affected classes, and the moment it does I might have to turn all Richard Nixon on these kids asses. It just reminds me of the days of the pointless protests at Boulder High-- if you are protesting or striking something that can be fixed, that is a legitimate problem in your society, more power to you. If you are being petulant about how some schools are better than others than please back up and let me go to class. Yes, there is social and economic inequality in every society, and I am not sure how the French are doing but in most places the government needs to do more. But is it really necessary to protest a school being a symbol? Or are you just jealous that we still have classes and are going to graduate on time. 

For those interested people who can read in french the link to an article is here.

Settling in or Living Without and Oven is Easy

Mark it down folks, I have an apartment that I have lived in for a week! It is on Rue Saint Jacques right above a jazz bar called Café Universal. Maggie noted when were signing the lease that there is a Colorado license plate in the window of the café, I take this to be a good omen. The pictures are on facebook in case you want to be a creepy voyeur and see where I sleep. (this is where I eat...)

I live maybe five minutes away from Jardin du Luxembourg and five away from Rue Moufftard. I had a flash back to the summer that I spent here with my mom and sister when I was walking on Moufftard today and shopping for some pommes (des fruits are now only known by their French names, I forgot all fruits names in English) and avocats. I can’t wait for the cerises to be in season, eating cerises and walking down Rue le Bon remains one of my favorite memories.

Though I cannot necessarily say that my French is getting better, my English seems to be slowly disappearing. It happens very frequently that I can’t find the work I am looking for or can only think of what I want in French. For someone who takes great pride in her vocabulary, this is a very disturbing phenomenon. I am getting more of a sense of humor in French, I still do not have the ability to crack jokes, but I can understand at least some of them…. I have taken to watching MTV dubbed in French (yes, I do have a tv with basic cable) the voices are very clear and my Super Sweet Sixteen is entertainingly disgusting in every language! 

Thoughts of Hari Kari: The First Week At Sciences Po

Monday- Hooray, an 8 am history course! I was interested to find out that there were no French students in my L’Europe en Guerre class that begins before the sun rises, but I can’t say I was all that surprised. The class, as such, is not that frightening, but walking out of the class and sitting in the front of the school watching the students, I got this awful fear in the pit of my stomach. Shit, I don’t belong here, what have I gotten myself into? The lecture course I normally have after was cancelled this week.

Tuesday: A 5:00pm law course in a little lecture hall about the European Constitution in English—2/3 French students 1/3 international students. The girl sitting next to me looked off my notes so she could see the spelling of the legal words (too bad she is depending on me…) yet I was still too much of a coward to talk to her. Also, two straight hours of English Common Law history is really frighteningly boring.

Wednesday: No classes bitch.

Thursday: 12:30 Con Law class. Australians surround me and thanking the Supreme Being that one of my classes will be easy. We went to a skeezy club that night and when a Brazilian guy was trying to grind up on me during “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and I was ashamed and sorry that Kurt Cobain was rolling in his grave.

Friday: I woke up in pain and the mood continued. The first class is Hacking Culture, which is going to be great and which is the only class where there is someone who I talked to in my class. Afterwards I went to my second French class, Restitants. I walked out of the two hours of that class with no idea what the professor was saying. Two hours later I have my conference (like a recitation). Though I understood the professor and I got the expose I wanted, on the Security Council. Still, I was shocked at the caliber of the many of the international students French. I am scared shitless of this class.

In sum: 

this place places a wild fear in me, not just because of the language but because I feel like such a fake within the halls of the school. I feel like they can see that I do not belong there… I know this is something that I will get over, and I know that I will be fine in the long run. But Sciences Po is something like I have never experienced before. I am trying to be optimistic, and at least I know that it will be a really good growing experience?

 

Things I’ve Noticed Part 2: Adventures in French TV Edition

* Shows like Friends and Grey’s Anatomy are super famous, and thus their actors have become a part of popular culture. The voices of Monica and Chandlor, Merdith and Derek are consequently as recognizable as their faces. So when you come across the dubbed version on French TV and the voices are suddenly completely different, you are in for a jarring and entertaining experience.

 * They do a great job at preserving the voices of the different Simpsons characters, but the voice of Marge is really especially grating in French.

* The beginning monologue with Law and Order is translated directly into French.

* There are significantly less commercial breaks in France, but when they do have one of the two through out the whole show, they last forever. So I guess it is almost the same…

* Talk shows here are staggeringly stupid. There is nothing on late night like Conan O’Brien, at least nothing that I could see.  The two late night shows I saw there was a large table and 3 different people were promoting different things and they had breaks for some America’s Funniest Home Video’s things… It was very odd and very silly.

* The ads here are way more sexual, but we all knew that.

* They have marathons or something, seriously, The Simpsons (Les Simpsoms) was on all freaking night!

* Where are all the reality shows? Are you telling me there are no late night America’s Next Top Model (or France’s Next Top Model) no Rock of Love? What am I supposed to do when the kids I am babysitting go to bed without trashy reality tv?

*Battlestar Galactica in French is hilarious. I have a hard time believing a super posh Giaus when he speaks French, maybe it is just the voice actor though because Caprica Six is a little more sensual when she speaks French. 

EN VRAI!

On one of my latter shifts at Bart's before I left Jon put on one of the new singles from the Kitsune Maison label. It was an incredibly catchy, very 80s sounding electro pop song called Quicksand by La Roux which I was quick to call my new favorite song. I played the song almost everyday that I worked before I finally bought it and told everyone who asked if they could have it that I had already purchased it. Yesterday evening, after drinking Vodka Ginger Ales at my apartment and navigating the train, I saw La Roux and three other Kitsune artists play in a tiny basement venue about 1/2 the size of the Fox called La Maroquinerie. Needless to say it was spectacular.

 Martha and I got to the show late, we were unsure if the 19h30 meant doors or start, so we assumed doors and showed up 45 minutes after the time we were told. We had apparently missed the first act, but were still able to go right up to the front. When looking around before the second act went on I noticed something bothersome, these people were just like the people at home, for all I knew I could have been at a show in Denver. Hipsters everywhere dress the same (I guess only American's and New Zealanders do ironic animals though) and go to the same places. I am not yet sure whether it is nice to know that subcultures are the same everywhere or if it is disturbing and sad. I guess I will figure that out. 

Back to the point though, the first act was three maybe 20 year old Irish guys called Two Door Cinema club. Go out and buy their singles now! They were fantastic, sounding like a Cut Copy that had suddenly lost their nostalgia. The next act was the one that I payed 22 Euro for, La Roux. She came on in all her Flock of Seagulls glory and I went completely crazy, dancing up and down in front of the stage like a mad person. For those of you who don't know La Roux do yourself a favor and go to her myspace to hear Quicksand. After she left the girl who was next to me grabbed the set list and handed it over to me saying, "I think you want this." This is where I realized that I was not in Denver, but some place much better. At home, someone would not just give you a set list if you were obviously having a great time and loved the artist, they would keep it for their greedy selves. IE the Cut Copy show where Jenny and I were the only ones near us dancing and some Vampire fucking Weekend fans got the set list. I was truly shocked by the kindness. But it doesn't stop there, we then proceeded to talk to the people around us (in an odd franglish hybrid) and make friends with them. Again, when is the last time you made small talk that resulted in a, wow we have to hang out sometime here is my number, with anyone at a show? The last group to come on was We Have Band, who can be summed up by the fact that they did a Pet Shop Boys cover. 

We went up to the bar long enough to have a bottle of water, for me to gather up the courage to tell La Roux that I am a big fan and that her set rocked hardcore (!) and for the first few songs of We Have Band's DJ set in the bar upstairs from the club. Yes, I enjoyed every minute of it, yes I am living like I wanted to here, and yes, the next stop is an Ed Banger party...