I hope that wasn't rambling, or overly personal. It's just that I am sitting alone right now.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Pains of Being Addicted to Human Contact
I have friends in Paris. I would like to think that I even have good friends whose relationships will last even when we have gone back to our respective areas of the world. Alas, I am still the girl I always was and cannot really stand being left alone for more than a few consecutive hours. At home I get around this by having a group of people that I am always around, being in the MUN office when they are busy, working and going to school. My life is very packed. Here, I have the school, but it is hard to motivated yourself to do anything when it doesn't count, but that is all. I have no MUN office and no job (except for babysitting and that contact doesn't count). I am trying very hard to learn how to be alone while here. I am trying to be able to enjoy the times of the day when there is no one around and I am forced to writing, reading or watching old West Wing episodes I have seen before. It is getting no easier than when I first arrived. I feel as though I am pestering my few friends and being way too clingy to my boyfriend, which is another problem all in itself. My prized self control goes out the window when there is no one around to make me remember the person that I am supposed to be. The funny thing is I am by no means neglected and for the most part I am more surrounded by people here than I am at home... Still, I feel like there is something about my situation being so temporary that forces me to always want to do something, to never just want that quiet day in.
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2 comments:
A late posting to be sure, but I know what you mean.
When we're acutely aware of how relatively short our time in a place is, we feel strange spending a day doing nothing. It was a problem that plagued me constantly in Mali.
We'll have some nice long chats when you get back.
I've been in Paris, traveling solo, for about two weeks, now going on my third week. My nights have been way more social than my days and from the outside it may seem like I am a social butterfly on this solo trip to Paris meeting people in bars and from meetup.com events and a random French man on they subway. But on the inside I have felt horrible pangs of loneliness. It's sad really to feel this way in such an awesome city. Then again, I'm not entirely alone if there's someone out there who feels the same way I do.
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