Monday- Hooray, an 8 am history course! I was interested to find out that there were no French students in my L’Europe en Guerre class that begins before the sun rises, but I can’t say I was all that surprised. The class, as such, is not that frightening, but walking out of the class and sitting in the front of the school watching the students, I got this awful fear in the pit of my stomach. Shit, I don’t belong here, what have I gotten myself into? The lecture course I normally have after was cancelled this week.
Tuesday: A 5:00pm law course in a little lecture hall about the European Constitution in English—2/3 French students 1/3 international students. The girl sitting next to me looked off my notes so she could see the spelling of the legal words (too bad she is depending on me…) yet I was still too much of a coward to talk to her. Also, two straight hours of English Common Law history is really frighteningly boring.
Wednesday: No classes bitch.
Thursday: 12:30 Con Law class. Australians surround me and thanking the Supreme Being that one of my classes will be easy. We went to a skeezy club that night and when a Brazilian guy was trying to grind up on me during “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and I was ashamed and sorry that Kurt Cobain was rolling in his grave.
Friday: I woke up in pain and the mood continued. The first class is Hacking Culture, which is going to be great and which is the only class where there is someone who I talked to in my class. Afterwards I went to my second French class, Restitants. I walked out of the two hours of that class with no idea what the professor was saying. Two hours later I have my conference (like a recitation). Though I understood the professor and I got the expose I wanted, on the Security Council. Still, I was shocked at the caliber of the many of the international students French. I am scared shitless of this class.
In sum:
this place places a wild fear in me, not just because of the language but because I feel like such a fake within the halls of the school. I feel like they can see that I do not belong there… I know this is something that I will get over, and I know that I will be fine in the long run. But Sciences Po is something like I have never experienced before. I am trying to be optimistic, and at least I know that it will be a really good growing experience?
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